I like a boy

ahhh Whilst Chris Skin Corruption has been in france- although he's just a friend he's a he who once liked me and thus a continuing romantic sector of my life ( my boy sector) and well it's been a little dim. I think it's because I am very jealous in truth if I were to try to be political I would say it's because I miss him and i miss not going to france and well the combination makes it hard for me to hear his anecdotes. Oh how I wish my mind were flexible enough for me to be able to cope with the knowledge that he's there I'm not. I suppose that's why I feel sad in a small way.
Gosh I dunno.

Anyways I like a boy his name is To the Fullest. He kept me warm on Saturday. We talked about life. For the first time I felt a connection. He seemed to listen to my every word. I wanted to be there forever.
Now I like him. Now I want more to happen with him. Now I cannot stop thinking about him. Now I keep on questioning the authenticity of my feelings for him.
I don't know if it's me just wanting anyone/someone to fill in a hole or if he is really special.
I kind of want to kiss him too. Shit I'm honest on this thing. For some reason I can admit things on here that I can't even admit to myself.

I'm a shit kisser, which I fear.
I fear he want be the ideal nice boy I think he is either and that he'll turn out to be normal and hurtful.
I'm scared about what he'll say to his friends about me (he goes to an all boys school- SOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE)

I liked holding hands with him
I liked him kissing me on the head.
I like snuggling in with him and feeling like our minds and bodies connected.

I like feeling safe in his arms and I especially liked the way he didn't grope me.Or try anything with me.
This is what I wrote the next day:
He kept my toes warm, the fire heated my face, the night was radiant and wonderfully romantic... He let me curl into him and he kept me warm.
We sat on rundown couches around a large fire on an expansive acreage and discussed philosophy. My head spun as we confessed our most covert thoughts.
Surreal bliss and loving honesty...
The emancipation of teenage drunken prosperity pulsing through our young veins.
We spoke of our love of family and music, of being hurt and the revelations of re-finding you identity...
I can't stop thinking of him.

I wish it were just like a movie: I like him he like me and we go out and everything happily ever after.
A wee bit soppy. Rather girly.

My whirlwind of feelings.
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GWEN