I'm dissatisfied with myself because I can feel everyone else growing dissatisfied with me.
In my inadequacy there is an ever-present theme: 'not good enough'

I have a vague idea of who I want to be, and an even less clear idea what everyone else wants me to be.
All I know for sure, is what I am now, is exactly who I don't want to be.
clingy, weak, mediocre, non-achiever; immature and a past-dweller.
I need to move on.
Everyone is moving around me but I'm stuck and it's lonely here.

I want to be so much better than I am and there's nothing really stopping me (like my sister said this afternoon) other than myself.
"If you want to change, then change yourself"

I'm scared of change it seems.
I don't know how to implement it.

I really don't know who I am and so how can I change something I don't know much about?
I'm not happy. I'm not achieving. I'm not able to be there for my family. I'm not ready to go into the most important year of my schooling life.
Conclusively, I want to be better but I don't know how.


no love, because I don't love myself (so how can I love another?)
but best wishes,
enjoy being a much stronger person than I.
Gwen.