An Angry Day; But Really it was Just a Good Day Spoilt,

Today should've been an excellent day.
Today, however has left me feeling frantic, tired and insomniatic (hehe that's not a word).

I just want to go to sleep,but I can't.

my head hits the pillow, my thoughts swelter in my head, my eyes droop but remain open. stubborn bastards that they are.

today I experienced how a few words of repeated (and possibly paraphrased) words can can change your entire perception.

There's a boy. OH LORD HERE WE GOOOO. He'll be known as Chris Skin Corruption, him and I have what some people call a 'thing'. As in when we spend time together/hanging out and what not people ask us if there's something going on.

To be honest I wouldn't even know if there was.
He tells me there isn't, I believe him and then a month later someone tells me he had feelings for me a month prior.
I am unable to determine my exact feelings for him. I don't really find myself drawn to him though.
Yet everytime (and it happens in cycles) I start talking to him again the shit hits the fan as it seems. I go through this mental turmoil of does he like or doesn't he? "am I being self-obsessed?" I ask myself and often " WHAT'S GOING ONNNNN "
it's frustrating because to a certain degree I like honesty.
And to a certain degree I think I'll always like him a little bit. We click and he makes me feel pretty, as superficial as that may sound; there are ALOT of people who make me feel fat, ugly and out of place he doesn't.

Today however changed me.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon, well in all honesty it couldn't be called talking; we were having the definitive conversation type known as 'bitching'.
A name would be brought up and we would let loose. I don't even remember what we were actually saying but the things we were saying weren't nice. A lot of gossip also.
This girl, she is also good friends with Chris Skin Corruption, we are the two 'main' girls in his life.
At my school the formal or the 'prom' which is held at the end of year 12 and is the last major function of our school lives and you will be judged on everything.
I have been planning my dress since year 7 and the issue of whom will be taken by whom has been a weekly if not daily topic of conversation for the past two years.
This friend: Yoo Fuh shall be her name, told me that Chris Skin Corruption that he had not asked either of us to the formal as of yet due to the fact that he was afraid of hurting our feelings. You might think "awww, cute; what a sensitive new age boy!"
I think "BASTARD. Of course I wouldn't be offended. I'll just get another bloody partner if he asks someone else. I cannot believe he thought of me so desperate."

I am pretty sensitive at the moment but whatever, to hell with restricted emotions.

ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE SOMEONE TAKE SOME KIND OF DIRECTION SO THAT I CAN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I don't want to be sitting here thinking oh shit what if this person rejects me, or this one, would this person be avilable. I MEAN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT. I have a maths test to study for, a french writing task to scribble, an art prac to hopefully make magnificent and another assignment for art to try and perfect.

So what I concluded, after a briefly angry interlude, I will ask Kitchardd Rummekin whom I've known prior to birth. Our sisters went through school together, our mums discussed the feelings of having us inside and him and I played with tonka trucks and made sandcastles in prep. He was my mate.

The only slight issues is that I have not spoken to him for about four years. I don't even know who his friends are. I don't even know his interests.
All I know is: he has blonde hair, blue eyes and a slight skip to his walk.
His family is welsh, and if nothing's changed in four years he has a strange accent.
I'm Australian by the way.

He's fairly placid and he has a slight skip to his walk, I think he has that thing where you walk on you tip-e-toes.

I don't know whether to just bite the apple or dilly-dally.
Will you go to the formal with me?
Do you wanna go to the formal with me?
Hey you! I thought perhaps because we've known each other our whole lives- Do you remember playing trucks in the sandpit?--- I thought we could go to the formal together?

I'll definitely be wearing make-up to school tomorrow.
other things I'm nervous about: My drama performance tomorrow. I have to transform into an old man, with fiddling fingers and lots of money who was invented as a character about 1500 years ago or more. We also have to be funny. And this shit will be improvised, no scripts just costumes, props and wit.
SCARY.
My maths test, haven't completed any homework and I'm scared. I keep on thinking; a two hour test, obscure questions and lots of lined paper.
What if I freeze up?
What if I think I understand them and get them completely wrong?
What if I cry in the exam?
Shit.

I need to sleep.
so I'll leave you all and this incomplete shit-a-licious blog to contemplate and feel the gentle breeze of hush-a-bye mountain.

Thankyou if you read this.
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE,
xGwen